Can marriage emanate out of pity

          CAN MARRIAGE EMANATE OUT OF PITY

             A happy couple

Two friends sat over drinks one morning, in what one would had expected to be a business talk, after exchange of pleasantries they threw banters at themselves, it appeared they have not seen each other for a long time. The more animated one between them, who spoke for much of the time, suddenly had a change of expression. What could be the problem his friend wondered?

Though, I was not part of their discussion, I had expected him to bring up some business challenge, if family issue, perhaps with house rent or a wayward child, I had thought. Though a marital challenge, I was taken aback when he opened up; it was his wife. He regretted marrying her out of pity. Could someone marry out of pity? What could lead someone to marry another person out of pity? From the understanding of marriage, the design was for two people who love each other. Could a person love for the sake of pity, do pity and love concur when it comes to conjugal affairs?  

Going by the definition of pity, Cambridge dictionary defines it as a feeling of sadness or sympathy for someone else's unhappiness o difficult situation. In another definition, Oxford dictionary puts it as the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the sufferings and misfortunes of others. How does marriage come to play in such scenario? 

A popular Nigerian actor not long ago divorced his wife, whom many people though it was a marriage made in heaven. His reason was borne out of pity for her when she became pregnant with their first baby. Then they were not married and he does not want her to go all alone with the pregnancy and the baby even though it was evident that he did not love her. After the birth of the second, baby their marriage hit the rocks. 

 Could marrying a person that is bedridden or with a terminal illness be for love or out of pity.  Stories abound of people who married bed ridden or terminal ill partners. One instance is the case of Ray Kershaw diagnosed with terminal cancer in Manchester, England. Kershaw and his girlfriend had planned their wedding to take place in Spain next year. But when medical report revealed that Kershew who suffer from cancer of the small intestine had only few days to live, changed their plan and wedded on his sick bed.  No one could tell except for the couple if she married him out of pity or not. 

 A mother of five children Mrs. Emmanuella Chigbo, said marriage can emanate out of pity. She views such a scenario as a result of hardship. For her there is nothing wrong with such marriage. People will always marry for one reason or another. 

 People, particularly the male sex, marry women out of pity, often this happens when the man in question sees a woman who going through hard times and feels for her and decides that the only way to terminate her hardship is to get married to her. On whether the woman would turn out a good wife, ''the truth is that I don't know what will follow as the human mind is unpredictable.”

Pity is relative to individuals, and whether a person can marry out of pity, Ekene Okonkwo, a teacher believes it is possible to marry out of pity. She is of the opinion that anything can happen for the sake of getting married.

 Nothing will appear strange to when it borders on how people wants to live their life. When you see some couple you wonder what led to their marriage in the first place, irrespective of pity or not what gives me concern is how they live afterwards. When you marry out of pity and regret sets in, it could be hell on earth. 

Could marrying a person you like who is going through hard times be said to be marriage out of pity. For Njideka  Amanchukwu, it depends on what comes to your mind at the first instance. When you talk of pity, it means to feel sorry for someone. It could be possible to see a beautiful lady from humble background and thinks that a lady is not supposed to go through such experience. Another man might see it from a different angle. All that he sees in her is a beautiful lady, irrespective of her background. 

  Amaka Ndibe, a student of Nnamdi Azikiwe University Awka, says she can marry for any other reason than for pity. When you talk of a woman marrying for money or influence, it is understandable but not out of pity for someone like me. I can marry a man because of the person's deep pocket, it will guarantee me financial security; it covers every of my material need. Yes, money can't buy everything but with it, I'm sure of getting some comfort than not having any, when you marry a wealthy person that will open doors for you, who doesn't want that kind of social status. When you marry out of pity that means something is amiss, I can think of such marriage. 

 For some people physical disability forms the basis for marrying out of pity. A man or woman sees the opposite sex and feels for their predicament and out of sympathy may decide to marry the person to reduce their burden. Such people place themselves in that person shoes. To people in this class they believe in what they want others do to them supposing they suffer similar fate. 

 Ogochukwu Dike, a trader in her mid thirties argues that there is nothing bad to marry out of pity. I can marry out of pity, particularly to a person with physically disability. When I see a man I like with such a challenge, I wouldn't mind; he is a human being, he needs someone to help him. Who say I cannot find love in such a marriage, as long it wasn't an arranged marriage or a relationship that a person was coerced into, it is okay by me.      

 

John Okoye, supports the argument that marriage can emanate out pity. It is true that a person may have physical disability, but looking deeper, you may discover good quality in them. From experience, I can tell you it is quite possible. I have a friend who married a physically challenged lady out of pity, but discovered a personality that he so much loves that erased her disability. Six years into their marriage, he says he has no regret whatsoever.