When you discover your friend’s boyfriend is engaged

                                              
This is the reality for my friend Belle*. I chose that name to disguise her identity because she is exactly that, a belle; an attractive, charming and popular young lass with the world at her feet. She puts herself out there to find life and love. Some of Belle’s favourite things include skim mochas, grooving to Disclosure, watching tennis, Monday morning snooze button pressing, flicking her bountiful bouncy brunette locks to sway the attention of admirers, and stalking. Belle likes to stalk people online. Particularly those she’s interested in or has had a romantic moment, or 10, with. And don’t you judge — I know you’ve done it too.

Belle’s stalking mechanisms of choice include the usual suspects — Google, Facebook and Instagram. It doesn’t go much further than that, but she’s thirsty for knowledge. Who are his friends? What was his latest overseas mancation? Does he prefer a nip of Hendricks or Tanqueray in his G&T? You’re thinking, why not just ask him all these questions? Well sometimes ya can’t, OK. I know, it’s crazy.

So Belle and this new guy have had a few romantic outings where he’s proven to be quite chivalrous, lots of long chats and a number of bedroom escapades, which she has described as the best sex of her life.

They’ve discussed each other’s dating histories too — since her self imposed Man Ban which ended six months ago, he’s been the only one. Similarly, he has stated that since breaking up with his girlfriend of seven years mid last year, there’s been only a couple of mini flings before he met Belle. It’s not commitment serious, yet. But it does sounds like a recipe for success!

So one fine sunny Tuesday my mate Belle decides to Google said man. For all intents and purposes here, he will simply be named as LeMoron. What pops up is a news article about his amazingly well paying, high travelling job that I have always thought to be a ruse for the fact that he is a spy. Turns out I was wrong. Standard.

She sends me the link and the accompanying photo via SMS — “Ummm he’s pretty cute, right?” are her captioning words. She’s right. He is pretty good looking. I’m particularly impressed with his manscaped beard. It’s hot. But me being an addicted reader, I decide to read the article in its entirety. And it’s interesting …

EF text: “Ummmm did you read the article?”

Belle: “Haha not yet, was too caught up in the pic (love heart eyed smiley face)”

EF: “Yeah … maybe read it. Maybs read it NOW …”

Belle: “What? Why”

— 4 minute interval —

Belle: “OMG OMG OMG”

— 2-second interval —

— Phone rings, pick up immediately —

Belle: “He’s engaged? What the f**k? Oh my goddd …”

EF: “I can’t believe you didn’t read the article!”

Belle: “This is not the issue. The issue is he’s engaged! What the hell, this is alllll wrong. How can he be engaged?”

This reporter went deep. I found about the real LeMoron, and his fiance who works in the same field — his fiance who he proposed to with a huge diamond ring.

So how does this story end? In her never speaking to this time wasting, woman hunting sleazy jerk ever again. With us eternally calling him a Giant Idiot to each other over watermelon margarita slushies on Sunday afternoons. With young Belle finding much more appropriate guys who think she is the freaking awesome chick I know she is. And her scaling back the stalking.

Yes, she’s happy that she found out about his other life before things got too serious, but it’s not the way to discover such graphically terrifying information.

So put down your iPhone and stop looking at his/her photos on ‘The Gram’ from 30 weeks ago. And if you accidentally like one from that far back just stay calm, take a deep breath, and throw your phone into a lake.