Sex problems that your wife may have

 

Once in a while or recurrently, a wife might tell her husband or show her husband that she is not in the mood.  A pastor recently told me that if a woman gives her husband great cuisine routinely, runs a beautiful home, takes great care of the kids, and she helps to bring in income from her career, but does not give him sex to his satisfaction, she may not be able to keep him bound to his home and marriage.  He may not think twice about an occasional prostitute. Yes, the man is an ingrate but this reflects the “sexual sinfulness” of mankind.
Can he practice sexual continence?  Yes, if he wants to be a saintly husband.   Such species are on the brink of extinction.  “Not in the mood” is dangerous premise coming from feminine gender with its various physical, functional, and psychological realities.  A woman may have trouble becoming aroused.  She may be functionally incapable of producing secretions and “too dry” making sexual intercourse painful and undesirable.
She may have hormonal deficiencies and may be unable to have orgasms.  If these experiences are persistent, they may throw an intolerant man off balance.  How much each man can endure or cope with depends on communication between the man and wife, sex education, and appropriate interventions acceptable to both partners.
A man should never have to look beyond his marriage for satisfaction and at the same time a woman should never regret her femininity.

 Infections, particularly yeast infections or vaginal thrush, are not uncommon.  A man should ask after these things, with care rather than concern, to make sure his wife is comfortable.  A woman may have a chronic disease such as diabetes that may affect her sexual capacity. A man should know the times his wife may be going through a phase: e.g. after childbirth or around menopause and be supportive and know what kind of demand he could make of her sexually.  Seeking medical help together and achieving the therapy together will result in mutual satisfaction sooner or later.
Men may always remember that a woman is not a mere possession, she is a person and an independent biological being and men need to pay due and healthy attention to both aspects of their wives.  Men are easily egoistic and un-attentive to a woman’s detailsor may treat things that matter to her with callousness or indifference.  A man may be absorbed by job, finance, and male concerns and forget marital intimacy or put it aside just when it happens to be important for the wife.  Women tend to be emotionally labile and may inadvertently respond to male chauvinisms with asexuality. If a wife is acting “NO”, a man needs to first examine if he has done something wrong and make amends.  Communication – correct communication, timely communication, respectful communication – is important for women.  It is a woman’s prerogative to be taken care of by her husband, and that includes emotionally.

Once acquitted, a husband needs to know what could be affecting his wife.  Psychological and physical blocks to sex can occur if a woman is overloaded or overwhelmed:  too much housework, keeping up with caring for the children, career and midlife concerns, emerging health issues, extended family problems, financial constraints, inimical neighbors and strife, etc.  Poor habits such as lack of sleep, lack of exercise, lack of hygieneand such matters may hide behind the “NO”.  Dissatisfaction with the family’s lifestyle, social status, and a mental projection of a bleak futurewith her husband can make a woman become mentally unfit for sex.  It is popularly said that there is no graduation in marriage and it requires work, mental, physical, and spiritual effort.  Restoring happiness restores sex.  What can help a wife relax, ease up, see the brighter side of life, be optimistic and trusting, be her better self or her best self?  That is the husband’s work and the result should definitely include his own sexual satisfaction.  Before a man goes after a prostitute, he should examine if his homework is complete, because even after the prostitute, he is coming back to that responsibility. The sooner he faces it, the better.
Dr. ‘Bola John is a biomedical scientist based in Nigeria and in the USA.   For any comments or questions on this column, please email [email protected] or call 08160944635