Why is he asking about my sexual life with other guys

                                       

Dear Bunmi,

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, nine months ago, and was fortunate to be in another relationship immediately after. My ex was the one who said we should cool things a bit and he had a girlfriend too. Unfortunately, our new romance didn’t work out and he begged that we should give our relationship another chance and I agreed because I never stopped loving him.

As soon as we got together, however, he wanted to know all the details about my sexual life with the other guy, and now when I tell him anything, he wants my answer to be detailed. For instance, he doesn’t believe we never had oral sex like I often have with him. Why are all these unnecessary details important to him?

Yejide, by e-mail.
love

love

Dear Yejide,

I don’t think your man really wants to know whether you had oral sex or not with your ex – in fact, he doesn’t want to know the details at all. What I suspect is that he needs to know you’re not hiding anything from him. He needs to feel you’re being honest right now about every single detail, so your second chance can be free of doubt.

Rather than letting him go on and on asking questions, arrange one single session where you answer everything he wants to know – with the understanding you wouldn’t entertain future questions. If he then asks more questions, just keep telling him you love him and had that relationship when there was no possibility of the two of you getting back together again.