4 reasons the first year of your marriage may be hell for you

 

Marriage is hard work and it doesn't matter how anyone tries to sugarcoat it for you. It will take a great deal of work, compromise and love. Couples should have it at the back of their minds  that love is never enough to make a marriage work rather lots of compromise will aid in making your relationship better.

Always remind yourself why you got married in the first place and ask yourself if it's worth holding on to. Your marriage will never be perfect, it will only get better or worse.

Bijee of BlogHer lists reasons why the first year of your marriage is always the hardest:

    Living Together: Even for those who lived together before marriage, I would be willing to bet there are some things that change after walking back up that aisle and unlocking the door to your home. In essence, the living arrangements after marriage can be the equivalent to culture shock. If you have never lived with someone else, especially the opposite sex, you will have some adjusting to do for sure. The guy or girl that always looked their best when you went out on dates and attended functions will now have down time, something you didn’t realize existed. You will get to see each other for your best and your worse. If you are just coming from your parents’ home into a home with your spouse you now are responsible for setting the structure and tone of your home, which means filling it not just with things but also with love. This can be a hard thing to do as you guys learn the intricacies of each other.

    Bad Habits: Remember when he would leave his coat thrown over the back of the coach when he came over and bypassed the closet that it really went in to lay it there? You thought it was just a little thing, but then you moved in with him and he does that with all of his clothes. Not so small anymore, huh? Remember how nice she always looked when you guys went out? You never knew all that it entailed for her to get ready, or how many pairs of shoes she had in the same color (but different style), or that she would like you guys to coordinate when you walk out the door. Now, it is driving you crazy. Some of those same things that we thought were cute or even just small annoyances fall under a magnifying glass once they are in your face every.single.day. You can find yourself feeling like you didn’t know the person you married after discovering some of those things. All I can say is you have to approach it with an open mind. When we were dating, my hubby always thought it was funny that I was a freeze baby and always cold. Once we moved in together and the house was always on “Hayle” as he put it, it quickly became an annoyance (not to mention the cost of heating changed drastically). He is a hot body and I am a freeze baby who doesn’t like to walk about all bundled up. I feel I should be able to be comfortable when I am at home.  I had to realize that he deserves to be comfortable too. We have a compromise on the heat settings, but the needle is honestly still on my preferred side. It is a small thing that could have turned big.

    Joint Decision-Making: This one can be hard for a lot of people, especially those who are really independent. Having to consult someone for even those things that you feel to be small can get rather annoying. I know when I first got married, my husband use to say, "I thought I was good at communicating until I got married. You have to talk about EVERYTHING!" And he was right. Becoming "one" is no easy task. I ended up telling him that he should just err on the side of being an “over-communicator”. We have a joint app on both of our phones that is great for keeping up with schedules and plans, even grocery lists for when we run out of stuff. The key is just for us to keep using it, but when it is used, it is a great tool to help keep our house running smoothly. This is one way we have implemented something to make things easier for us in managing our home and responsibilities. You have to find what works.

    Not Knowing How to Fight: It is inevitable that in marriage you will disagree on some things. The key to making it a bearable process is learning how to fight, and fair. In my marriage we don’t fight, we have more of a “heated fellowship” or difference of opinions. LOL. We typically try to remind each other that whatever the issue is, that nothing was done out of spite, malice or just outright disregard for each other’s feelings. You have to keep in mind that ultimately you are on the same team and you are fighting for the same thing – your marriage. So you are not fighting to win, you are pushing to resolve.