When governors steal senators’ wives

Koko: It’s like watching ‘Ridicu­lousness’ on DSTV’s MTV.

Kaka: Which part of our pre-election drama is getting you all worked up now?

Koko: It’s blatantly nauseating.

Kaka: Keep going on like that and you will burst an artery.

Koko: How can Senators go on strike?

Kaka: They are not exactly on strike o. They go to the chambers and do nothing.

Koko: Ok, so they go to work, they just don’t work.

Kaka: Yeah, there’s a difference.

Koko: Now, there’s a difference between six and half a dozen. Senators downing tools, refusing to consider bills because their party handed state political structures to the governors. How is that enough reason to betray the mandate of Nigerian voters, the people who sent them to Abuja to make laws?

Kaka: You don’t understand the pain and plight of these Senators, my friend. Imagine a powerful man taking your fine wife, won’t you scream, do anything to retrieve your wife?

Koko: So, who took the Senators’ wives now?

Kaka: It’s obvious now. The governors have all conspired to take the wives of Senators. That’s why they are all angry and ready to bite our heads off.

Koko: Which doesn’t make sense at all. The governors took the Senators’ wives and they are giving the President ultimatum and biting our heads off. Have they lost their minds?

Kaka: You are the one worried about their minds. These Senators are distressed and very dangerous right now. Those governors have not done well.

Koko: You are either losing your mind too or you are determined to confuse me. If the governors took their wives, why are they angry with the President who is con­tented with his one wife? This misdirected aggression is confusing. Why do the electorate have to suffer for the promiscu­ity of politicians?

Kaka: Ok, calm down. You see, gover­nors are now in charge of party structures in the states and they decide who goes where in 2015 and who proceeds on retirement. It is the President that gave them that power. So? The President is the architect of this wife-taking business.

Koko: Now, it’s getting clearer. But who doesn’t know that governors in Nigeria are witches and wizards? Even if the President had not given them that power nicely, they would have wrestled it from him.

Kaka: But we all thought after setting ablaze the coven of the Governors Forum, their powers had been burnt to ashes.

Koko: Not possible, as you can see. Those human beings will be powerful until further notice.

Kaka: In other words, the Senators have lost their wives for good?

Koko: That’s how it looks from where we are standing.

Kaka: But what do those governors need new wives for anyway, they already have harems.

Koko: I hope nobody is listening. (Low­ering his voice) The wives that they took from the Senators will be used as sacrifices to the gods.

Kaka: Aaaaah? Human sacrifice?

Koko: Don’t shout. The walls have ears. For the governors to remain powerful, the gods must be appeased. For the President to get re-elected , the governors must remain powerful.

Kaka: Where does that leave the Sena­tors?

Koko: In the lurch. In the cold. High and dry. Anywhere but where they want to be.

Kaka: So, the governors are the ones the president needs to get re elected?

Koko: They are also the ones that the party needs to do that 60-year-run they have been threatening us with since 1999.

Kaka: That’s why they are treating Sena­tors like disposable napkins. Very unfair.

Koko: I think it’s simply called politics. Unfortunately, Senators can’t or aren’t in any position to take anybody’s wife.

Kaka: You are wrong there. That was before they joined Trade Union Congress and Nigerian Labour Congress. Now they are full time unionists who must get what they want or we are all doomed.

Koko: That sounds so undistinguished and selfish, if you ask me.

Kaka: Huh, I’m not asking you. Just brace up for a rough ride. No public peti­tions, no executive bill, no budget will be entertained until the governors returned the wives they stole from the Senators.

Koko: Somehow, this reminds me of the doctors’ strike. So many people died while the doctors stood their ground. And to think it was these same senators who mediated and tried to broker peace.

Kaka: I think while they were brokering peace, they were also learning the tricks of strikes and so on.

Koko: Totally selfish. How can the Senators refuse to do the job they swore to do just because their governors are not being nice to them and the President has sacrificed them for a bigger ritual ceremony?

Kaka: That is like the Senators taking our own wives and hopes at the same time.

Koko: Do you think this no-ticket-no-sitting will work?

Kaka: I don’t think so. Those gover­nors will do what they have to do and the President will dance with whoever will deliver twins for him. Besides, the primaries are very close.

Koko: So, what do you suggest the Senators do to get their wives back?

Kaka: They should start work from day one and make themselves indispens­able to the people who voted them. They should never ever think they are so big the President will forget the people who have the powers to undo him …

Koko: And they should never think we will forget this blackmail of the aver­age Nigerian who is getting caught in this wife-snatching business.

Kaka: They are really looking mean now with their threat to deal with PDP and us by not considering the Medium Term Expenditure Framework and Fiscal Strategy Paper, among other things.

Koko: Are they going to get paid for the days they don’t sit?

Kaka: Yes, they are bigger than all of us taxpayers.

Koko: That is ungodly o. Some of them are Knights and elders in church­es…

Kaka: Don’t bring God into this. Let’s go home and pray until the Sena­tors call off their strike.

Koko: PDPpppppp!

Kaka: Power to the Senators

Re: A woman who enjoys only rape…

I would personally work pro-bono for a Christian-Christian ticket that shows promise to and can stem our slide into rot. Most of the political vultures shouting against Muslim- Muslim ticket have their safe havens and loot stashed in Islamic enclaves like Dubai and Qatar. May the ordinary voter wake up and not allow scaremongers to push then into voting even more incompetent leaders. –Gbenga O.

I was shocked when Baba Obasanjo touted Christian-Muslim as the only ticket to political success in the present day Nigeria. You can just imagine my disappointment when such a highly placed person says such a thing. Who is supposed to know better? Compe­tence should be the criteria instead of faith. I pray people like you are in the majority so that we can steer Nigeria to the ‘promised’ land. –Bashir Bello, Bello & Associates, LLCLisle Central Park, Regus Suite 267 3333 Warrenvile Rd, Lisle, IL 60532.

I’m a constant reader of your weekly back page column of Sun­day Sun. Religion shouldn’t be a basis or condition for us choos­ing our leaders, If a Muslim can do it well so be it, and if it’s a Christian that’s alright too, Same goes for a traditional worshiper. All of them should just endeavour to have the fear of God and be concerned about us masses and not about themselves alone. –Azeez Oje, [email protected]

Nigerians, Christians and Muslims, need to go back to the basics to understand that Islam and Christianity are two foreign religions that we have allowed to “colonise” our minds and brains to kill our reasoning. It is very sad for us all. I am scared when I listen to the filth that people spew out of their mouths or pens in the name of religion on both sides of these two divisive religions. We need to be more respectful of each other’s faiths before we create more dangerous national situations. I think religious chauvinism is a seri­ous problem we may really not be conscious of or the extent of it. –Akim Yusuf.

What we need are a pair of steady honest hands to steer the ship of the Nigerian state out of the murky waters that it has been thrown into by present and past politicians. I also agree that this is not the time to throw up the ethnic or religious cards. With the level of cor­ruption prevalent in the country, it is very obvious that majority of us only profess our faith by lips and not by heart. So how do I even know who is a true Christian or Muslim. Is it by their names, where they go to every Friday or Sunday or by what they claim. Any hos­pital, mechanic workshop or market wishing to get our patronage should ensure that they choose the best set of doctors, mechanic or market women which can be found in all segments of our country to constitute their team. –[email protected]